waLk witH mE tiLL thE eNd oF tiMe*

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

~ 10:36 PM ~

i know have to blog about ndp and many of the things that happened recently.. but now, im not in the mood for those stuff..

im gonna talk about things that happened today.. today's been the happier day in uni, probably for me.. started off well i guess. had time to buy breakfast with cally, got to drink a cup of hot milk tea which i think helped me keep awake thru out today's 3 lectures.. i think it's a good thing.. i'm finally feeling focus.. probably i'll need tea every morning.. just as long as i dun get addicted to it. :) so lecture's are going smoothly, so is lunch. i kinda got to talk to a new friend also called jansen. i heard he got into bowling and i was really curious.. it made me interested arhh. so i asked him about the trials and trainings.. apparently u need to have ur own equipment then can be on their team.. thats a no no for me.. i guess my dad will never allow, if i need to fork out my own equipment.. anyway bowling's a recreation for me.. hopefully can go some day again.. with like weijian and kimyong? probably i'd drive them there. XD anyway, then went to library to copy my notes again cuz i reprinted a new set for math.. yupp, then had to leave for another lecture at some ulu corner.. luckily there was pengyang, a new friend, to go there with me.. we almost got lost too.. luckily we didn. :) it's pretty nice to be able to talk to at least a 2 new friends today.. need to work on it more. jiayou jess. (:

the guy from pgp maintenance called to get permission to check out the fridge in my room. i just it means i can use it alr? hopefully bahh.. then i dun have to worry about getting checked upon. :P then mummy msged me dad was coming to pass me some stuff for my room.. there was so many things provided arh.. mum told me to take care too. so i got to hear from mum, see my dad.. that makes me happier... i'm gonna call my grandma later.. i'll have a better sleep tonight. :)

then i got to chat with abner on fb, to catch up and like just talk about random things and ppl. he's told me things that i've since but nv took noticed of.. a nice friend to have, one who would look out for me.. Thanks abner! :) then i called cally to my room cuz my mum said i have to evening, WEIREN called! haha he told me he had nights out and was allowed to book out of camp.. he came to visit me! sooooo awesome.. like he said, it was a priceless time.. i shared with him a lot of things that happened to me.. like ndp experiences and the friends i made.. shared about uni life too.. and he told me he hasn't seen me talk for so long before.. but i think he made me feel very very comfortable that i could share anything and everything.. then jarvis msged me too. he knew weiren was here.. so he asked weiren for bubble tea.. i treated them, cuz jar wanted peppermint milktea and so does weiren.. :) [i got to hear jar's voice after a long long time..]

so after weiren left, i popped by at cally's room to talk to her.. haha im in a talking mode today.. i shared with her a lot of things too.. mostly ndp stuff. but we had fun i suppose, we've nv had such long talks with each other even after being friends for so longgggg. there's more to come i suppose.. cally, rmb to pull me back if u see me going in the wrong direction okiie! *winks*

went back to my room and then smsed randy for a lil bit.. told him i had a good day.. didn go into the details though.. but i guess he knows i'm feeling much better than the past few days. :) im gonna be more positive.. jiayou jess. :)

gonna sleep early.. cannot stay up too late.. i want to focus in lectures.. i must be a good girl.. work towards my academic goals.. no regrets!

Labels: jesslyn's feeling happy

*_a liL noboDy wHom yoU'vE iNsPiReD_* Y

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

~ 12:02 AM ~

HAPPY 46TH BIRTHDAY BELOVED SINGAPORE!

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF (:

*_a liL noboDy wHom yoU'vE iNsPiReD_* Y

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

~ 2:02 PM ~

i dunno why but i'm beginning to worry about having to go to uni.. today, i've been thinking that i made a few wrong choices along the way to where i am regarding the university matters.. i feel that my insecurities have got the better of me, causing me to not want to take part in the nus camps and choosing pgpr instead of halls..(i'm not going to deny that initially i was also influenced by my friends to not join all this activities) but i think i've done it all wrong.. i shld have chosen to attend at least the science camp or union camp, it would have forced me to make new friends and widen my social circle. even joining halls would have been a better option for me than applying for residence.. (i realised that the residence give me a different atmosphere as compare to halls where people would at least know each other cuz they attended camps..) now when i meet my friends, who attend the camps in uni, they seem to feel so comfortable in that environment(it's like they in their elements where they belong). and i'm still feeling foreign and awkward even in my own faculty. it just felt like i had only one friend there and thats cally. all along i've known that i have difficulties socialising with ppl, approaching them, taking the initiative to start a conversation is usually not wad i would do.. going to uni means i'm going to be out of my comfort zone.. being all that quiet and inactive person wouldn't help at all.. it kinda scares me as i feel i've got a lot of grounds to cover once uni sch term starts..

all along i know i've wanted to join the student union to contribute to the school and the different community in the ways that i can.. but without joining the camps and getting myself orientated to the environment, i find it a struggle cuz i dunno or i have no clue who can i approach, or how do i even join the student union? how am i going to cope with this? i dun want to let cally know i'm feeling this way cuz i know she can adapt to the new environment easily.. will anyone understand how i feel and be able to guide along the way? i'm feeling like a mess now and all i wanna do is hide..

Labels: jesslyn's hesitating

*_a liL noboDy wHom yoU'vE iNsPiReD_* Y

Monday, August 01, 2011

~ 11:50 PM ~

it's been 2 years since the memorable day on 1 aug 2009.

yes, it has always been u..

via- http://sweetestdownfall-.tumblr.com/post/8329958161

*_a liL noboDy wHom yoU'vE iNsPiReD_* Y

~ 5:58 PM ~

after gerlyn talked to me about so many stuff and intro this song on sat: 沒关系 by kenji wu. i'm feeling attached to the song.. probably cuz i can relate to the lyrics a lot.. it brought tears to my eyes as a result.. certain feelings and emotions came flooding back..

and since yesterday, i've been feeling a little weird..

i'm gonna reblog from this url: "http://sweetestdownfall-.tumblr.com/post/8331613362" which kind of reflects how i feel..

"i don’t know what it is. but lately i have this feelings that i cant understand. this feeling that there is so much lacking and so much longing that i dont even know what it is. the feeling between laughing and crying, the feeling like you want to be with someone but you want to be alone also, the feeling like you are there but not really, the feeling like you’re longing for the past but you’re excited with the future at the same time. this feeling that you cant even put into words, this feelings that you can understand.

And no, this is not depression, actually i can say that im okay now, and im not sad anymore but im not happy either. im not even heartbroken anymore, those broken pieces and pain is now almost healed but at the same time it feels like a fresh cut of blade in your heart. this is not loneliness, this is not anxiety, this is not confusion, this is not nostalgia, this is not insanity either. it is more like the combination of everything that you dont understand. and i call it emptiness, and i dont like it.."

*_a liL noboDy wHom yoU'vE iNsPiReD_* Y